Better Living Through Zoology: The Armadillo

Jeni and I went on a brief camping excursion this weekend with the dogs to Colorado Bend State Park. We had a good hike, the dogs swam in the river, and we all encountered various wildlife. Jeni, for example, was almost hit in the leg by a bass while wading in the river. We saw lots of deer, a roadrunner, a raccoon, a hawk - and about twenty armadillos.

We saw (and, of course, heard) several as we were pitching the tent, but on our first hike we realized the place was just swarming with the things. Dozens of armored creatures, out on patrol, like tiny tanks. Like some sort of armed force. It was....a phalanx of armadillos! No, wait. A legion! No, no. A platoon of armadillos! Nah - something else - armor, armed, armadillo - Gah! It's on the tip of my tongue!

Anyway, for Bernice and Rose this was a new experience. Armadillos can't see well at all, and aren't the brightest bulbs in the batch, so the dogs were usually in close smelling distance before the critters realized anything unusual was going on and shuffled off into the brush. It made for interesting hiking. After seeing so many up close and getting a good look at the armor, I wondered aloud, "I wonder how they mate?" To which my wife responded with her best Barry White impression, speak-singing the following: "When the night comes/ The armor comes off/ exposing the soft under-belly/ Bwwow-chicka-bwow-wah!"

I love that woman.

And now, I am proud to present - Random Facts About Armadillos!
- There are 20 different species of armadillo, including the Giant Armadillo, and - no lie - the Pink Fairy Armadillo
- The only species native to the U.S. the nine-banded one, pictured below
- The nine-banded kind doesn't roll into a ball to protect itself - too much armor
- It also has too much armor to swim, and will sink, so for crossing streams the armadillo has two options:
1) Hold its breath (up to six minutes!) and walk across the bottom
2) Inflate its stomach with air and paddle itself across - it's the only mammal that can do that
- A few years ago, a baby armadillo came out of the brush where I was camping, wandered up to me, and sniffed my foot. Then he looked up at me quizzically. If armadillos could shrug, he would have, and then he hopped away. This isn't a fact about armadillos, but I thought it was cool.
- But the craziest thing about armadillos, in my opinion, is that baby armadillos are always - always - born in sets of identical quadruplets. Crazy!




Number one in a four piece set.

Better Living Through Zoology: What To Do If You Meet A Bear and/or Mountain Lion

Just got back from a family reunion in Colorado - good times. In particular, we had a good time hiking in Red Rock Canyon and the trail to Catamount Falls, both outside Colorado Springs. We also saw some fun signs telling you what to do if you encounter a bear, and what to do if you encounter a mountain lion. I have some experience in this area, as I own two bear-like dogs and a cat, which is like a mountain lion, but smaller. So, I will comment on the tips given by the signs, and give some helpful hints from my own experiences.

Bear
From the sign:
* "Stay calm" - Good luck with that.
* "Avoid direct eye contact" - Try looking at the teeth or claws instead.
* "Speak to the bear in a low, firm voice" - Try to sound like Barry White. Bears love Barry White.
* "If the bear charges you, stand your ground." - You are a rock. You are Gibraltar.

Tips from experience with bear-like dogs:
* Say "who's a good bear?" When the bear begins to wag its tail, pat it on the head.
* Throw a stick for the bear to retrieve.
* Give the bear a bone-shaped biscuit.
* Do not try to ride the bear like a horse - bears do not like this.
* Scratch the bear on the tummy, or on the butt just above the tail.

Mountain Lion
From the sign:
Most of the tips here are similar to that of bears, but this one is good.
* "Make yourself large" - They recommend raising your arms above your head to accomplish this. I recommend donuts, ice cream, and Twinkies. It seems counter-intuitive, but the cougar prefers its meat lean.

From experience with other felines:
* Do not attempt to put the mountain lion in the shower. It may look like it wants to get into the shower, but it does not.
* Bring a larger mountain lion with you.
* Try to make a sound like a hair-dryer, vacuum cleaner, or garage door opener. They hate that.
* Scratch the mountain lion on the butt, just above the tail. Do NOT scratch the mountain lion on the tummy.
* Bring a laser pointer. The mountain lion will chase that thing for hours, all over the mountain. I cannot stress this one enough.

Well, there you have it! Happy hiking!