Movie Moment: Violence!

My wife occasionally goes out of town for a weekend at a conference, or retreat of some kind. When she does, I like to buy some of those really cheap oven pizzas, and rent a bunch of movies that I want to see, but she doesn't. The consistent theme in such films is that they feature people committing acts of violence against each other. Now, Jeni is not against violence in movies per se. She liked "V for Vendetta" and all the "Lord of the Rings." I watched "The Departed", and even though it featured three of Jeni's top ten Least Favorite Things to see in Movies (1.horrible violence, 2.flagrant swearing, 3.an unhappy ending - the others are 4.gratuitous sex, 5.Japanese animation, 6.animals being hurt, 7.a heavy metal soundtrack, 8.a gratuitous hip hop soundtrack, 9.gratuitous vampires, and 10.Nicholas Cage as an action hero), I made her watch it because I knew she would think it was good. And even after seeing multiple shootings, arm breakings, face smashings, and one man dropped off a building, she agreed that it was a great film. In contrast, we started watching "Kung Fu Hustle," and one guy gets his leg chopped off with an axe and she refused to watch any more. So when it comes to violence, I have to pick and choose carefully.

Here are the movies I watched during my last bachelor weekend, and my favorite elements of each:

"Iron Monkey"
Hong Kong action. A teenage boy battling adults with an umbrella. An evil Shaolin monk with telescoping sleeves which could punch through walls. A climactic battle between three men balanced atop ten foot wooden posts - which were on fire.

"Once Upon a Time in the West"
Sergio Leone's very....slow....camera....moves (Westerns are about space). Henry Fonda as the bad guy. Henry Fonda's line, "Suspenders and a belt? You can't trust a man that can't trust his own pants." After which he shoots the man twice in the chest and once in the gut, severing his suspenders and belt, and making the dying man's pants fall down.

"Leon: The Professional"
Jean Reno as a hitman who apparently subsists entirely on milk. Gary Oldman as crazy bad guy. 12-year old Natalie Portman using a sniper rifle.

"Spirited Away"
Miyazaki masterpiece. Utterly bizarre and ultimately touching story about a haunted bathhouse, growing up, a boy who is also a dragon who is also a river(?!), living soot balls, a monster named "No-Face," and frog people. One the most original and engaging imaginary worlds I have ever seen.

My list of violent movies (or anime, or both) to see is quite long - so you'll probably see one of these again...

P.S. Guess who learned to use the link button! Thanks, Dani!

Magical, Mythical, Marvelous Milk

Milk is good. Cookies, cake, pancakes, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, and all forms of pasta aren't really complete, in my opinion, without a cold glass of milk.

Lots of people like milk. Every time I go to the grocery store, there's always more than one person in the milk section (hereafter referred to as "Milk") picking their preferred percentage. "Milk" is a strange place. It's not like "Bread", where everyone basically knows what they want and just grab. It's not like "Eggs" or "Fruit" where people take their time because they don't want defective merchandise. And it's not like "Cheese", where people are just overwhelmed with choices.

People hover around "Milk" for one reason - "sell by" dates. At the milk factory, the sell-by fairies hover about, stamping the jugs in their purplish ink with the date at which the milk inside will become no good. It's magic. Sometimes a sell-by fairy will accidentally release too much magic, and make the milk inside invincible.

At least, I think that's what the other people in "Milk" are thinking. Each person seems to pick up and inspect a half-dozen cartons, or reach deep into the back of "Milk", for the magical milk jug that won't expire until next Christmas.

Maybe these people have burned in the past by poor "Milk" management. Maybe they grabbed the first carton they saw, got home, and realized their milk had already expired. But - I always grab the first carton I see, and the only time a jug of milk has gone bad on me is when I've gone out of town and left my milk at home alone.

My friends, there are no sell-by fairies. There is no magical milk. There's no reason to cry over...unspoiled milk. Together, we can keep "Milk" loiter-free.

P.S. Soy milk. Milk does not come from beans. Milk comes from mammals. Best I can figure, juice comes from beans. Soy milk is bean juice. Goodnight.