Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween: All Hallow's Eve


Once upon a time, the ancient Irish celebrated a holiday called Samhain. It involved all-night partying to herald the end of summer and bringing in the harvest. It also involved honoring, petitioning, and/or protecting oneself from the spirits of the deceased.

Fast forward a few centuries, after Christianity had come to Ireland, and a certain Pope Gregory IV moved the old Christian holiday of All Saint’s Day, or All Hallow’s Day, from May 13 to November 1, which is right around when the Irish celebrated Samhain.

All Saint’s Day was (and still is) a feast day honoring, you guessed it, all the saints, and especially martyrs. Like many church holidays, the night before people would keep an all night prayer vigil. This stay-up-all-night-thinking-about-dead-people thing reminded a lot folks of Samhain, and the two sort of fused together into what we know as Halloween, or All Hallow’s Eve. Irish immigrants brought the tradition to the U.S. in the 19th century, and there you go.

So, about saints – official Catholic doctrine recognizes someone as a saint thusly: “recognition by the Church that one of her children has won his or her place in Heaven.” A saint, therefore, is somebody we KNOW is in heaven. How do we know that? Well, if you have been martyred, you’re in. If not a martyr, “they must be shown to have been God-fearing, pious, just in their dealings, patient, self-denying, charitable, and so on, far above the average of ordinary good men.” And “since Almighty God alone can make known this fact to mankind every canonization (declaring someone a saint) essentially depends on proof that miracles have been wrought in witness thereto.”
(Incidentally, the term “devil’s advocate” is the popular term for the Church lawyer who is appointed to argue against the canonization of a particular person.)

So there it is. A handy, systematic approach to knowing who’s already in heaven. Martyrdom, miracles, and an outstanding life. In the Catholic Church, the day after All Saint's, November 2, is All Soul’s Day, in which the Church remembers those who have died and we cannot be SURE they are in heaven yet.

There is a part of me that admires our Catholic brothers and sisters for their systemization. But “sainthood” is a bit more flexible from the Biblical standpoint.

The apostle Paul addresses 1 and 2 Corinthians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians, to the “saints,” or “holy ones.” 1 Corinthians 1:2 says, “to those who have been sanctified in Christ Jesus, saints by calling…”

Quite a different picture of sainthood, really. “Sanctified” – made holy in Jesus. “Saints by calling.” And apparently he means every single person in the church is a saint. Whether they’ve done miracles or not. Even if they were not living up perfectly to the calling (as the rest of letter makes clear they weren’t) they are saints – because Jesus made them so. Their place in heaven doesn’t seem to be the defining characteristic – it’s their place in Christ.

I don’t know about you, but I find that I most clearly know what to do when I most clearly remember who I am. And who I am is a saint - called, sanctified, set apart. If I believe that, I find it easier to be “God-fearing, pious, just in dealings, patient, self-denying, charitable, and so on.”

So, on this All Hallow’s Eve eve, spend a little time in a vigil for the saints, both living on earth and living in the presence of God.

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"For All the Saints" - by William Walsham How

1. For all the saints, who from their labours rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confessed,
Thy Name, O Jesus, be forever blessed.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

2. Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress and their Might;
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well fought fight;
Thou, in the darkness drear, their one true Light.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

3. For the Apostles’ glorious company,
Who bearing forth the Cross o’er land and sea,
Shook all the mighty world, we sing to Thee:
Alleluia, Alleluia!

4. For the Evangelists, by whose blest word,
Like fourfold streams, the garden of the Lord,
Is fair and fruitful, be Thy Name adored.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

5. For Martyrs, who with rapture kindled eye,
Saw the bright crown descending from the sky,
And seeing, grasped it, Thee we glorify.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

6. O blest communion, fellowship divine!
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
All are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

7. O may Thy soldiers, faithful, true and bold,
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old,
And win with them the victor’s crown of gold.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

8. And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave, again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

9. The golden evening brightens in the west;
Soon, soon to faithful warriors comes their rest;
Sweet is the calm of paradise the blessed.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

10. But lo! there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array;
The King of glory passes on His way.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

11. From earth’s wide bounds, from ocean’s farthest coast,
Through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
And singing to Father, Son and Holy Ghost:
Alleluia, Alleluia!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Halloween: Vampire Vs. Werewolf

If you and I are Facebook friends (a good step above false friend, but not as good as "huckleberry friend") you may have read this before, but it's topical!
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When trying to decide between two equally desirable options, it is best to outline the positives and negatives.

Werewolf positives:
1. Only transform at full moon, so you get to spend most of your time as a normal human being.
2. Get to hang out cool places like London or Paris.
3. Fewer people know your weaknesses - and even if they do, where are they going to get a silver bullet?
4. If you are in a movie, you might be Michael J. Fox, Jack Nicholson , Gary Oldman (not technically - that's for you Allyson!), or, uh Lon Chaney, Jr.

Werewolf negatives:
1. Transform into mindless slobbering beast
2. Often lose clothes in transformation, wardrobe replacement expensive
3. Wake up from transformations naked in the woods, wondering if you ate someone - if so, who, and what was their health history?
4. If in a movie, might be Danny DiVito (see Big Fish)

Vampire positives:
1. Charismatic - ladies love you!
2. Tend to be well dressed, have spacious living quarters
3. Sleep in coffin - surprisingly comfortable
4. If in movie, might be Bela Lugosi, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Willem DeFoe, Christopher Lee, Leslie Nielson, Gary Oldman again, Keifer Sutherland, Jason Patric, or, if a lady vampire - Selma Hayek, Aaliyah, Peta Wilson, or Kirsten Dunst.
5. Able to transform into wolf, bat, or intangible mist (at least in the Dracula book you can) - a handy trick
6. If in TV series, hunted by Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Vampire negatives:
1. Suffer from eternal blood lust
2. Neither truly alive or dead
3. Generally live in Transylvania - sometimes in New Orleans.
4. If in movie, might be Paul Reubens, or be hunted by Cory Feldman.
5. Everybody knows how to kill you - any scrap of kindling or piece of fence post could be the death of you
6. Never eat garlic bread again
7. No more days at the beach - or days, period

So, there you have it! The choice is yours - but for me, the negatives of being a vampire vastly outweigh the positives - even if it would be cool to be Antonio Banderas. But the possibility of being hunted by Cory Feldman - that's just chilling...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Halloween: Carols


In an effort to make Halloween even more like Christmas, I am proud to present my offerings for Halloween carols. They are new lyrics to familiar tunes, because, well – I can’t write music.

“Chompy the Vampire”
(to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

Chompy the Vampire, was an evil ghastly sight
He had putrid breath and was pale as death ‘cause he only walked at night
There must have been some garlic in that pasta that I ate
For when his fangs were on my neck he roared with hellish hate
Oh, Chompy the Vampire, was alive as he could be
Which is to say, he was dead by day
And drank blood fortnightly

Chompity chomp chomp, Chompity chomp chomp
Look at Chompy go!
Chompity chomp chomp, Chompity chomp chomp
You look a few pints low

Chompy the vampire, knew he couldn’t stand sunrise
So he said “I’ll fly, through the moonlit sky, so I won’t be vaporized!”
Down to the village, with Van Helsing on his trail
Appearing here and there, biting maidens fair
Sayin’ “Foolish mortals! I am eternal! I am your master!!!”
With dozens dead he went to bed inside his coffin bunk
When Van Helsing caught up to him, and the wooden stake went “THUNK!”
Oh, Chompy the Vampire, knew death’s sweet embrace
As his face decayed, you could hear him say, “I’ll be back again some day!”

Chompity chomp chomp, Chompity chomp chomp
Look at Chompy go!
Chompity chomp chomp, Chompity chomp chomp
You look a few pints low!

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“Trick or Treat”
(to the tune of “Sleigh Ride”)

Just give me candy mister
And me and sister will go
Oh, we don’t want no trouble
Our TP’s double rolled!

I’ve got eggs by the dozen
And Sid my cousin has glue
Come on and fill this cooler
With Jujubes and Baby Ruths

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up
Let’s go
You’re moving too slow
We still got a dozen blocks to go

Hurry up hurry up hurry up it’s nice
To be in disguise
And get candy from people you threaten to vandalize!

Our sugar level’s spiking
As we go hiking along
We’re downing Reese’s Pieces
Like E.T. is when he goes home

Let’s take the road before us
You can’t ignore our refrain
If someone gives us apples
We’ll dish out a crapload of pain

When we get home we’ll stack our stash like it’s a pile of hay
We’ll be green and sick and nauseous for at least two days
We’ll be eating the stuff we love to eat without a single stop
Till all the buttons on our pants' fronts go pop
Pop, pop, pop!

There’s a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy
When you put dog doo in a sack and set the thing on fire
Sneak up to the porch, ring the doorbell and quickly run away
These wonderful things are the things we’ll remember all through our days!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Halloween: The Quiz!

Ten questions about Dracula and other monsters and murderers of note. Get all ten and receive honor and glory!

1. In the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” how many people are killed with a chainsaw?
A. 1
B. 3
C. 5
D. 7

2. In Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” (the novel), how does Dracula die?
A. Hit with reflected sunlight
B. Doused with a bucket of holy water
C. Bowie knife to the heart
D. Shot in the head with silver bullet

3. Which famous monster did the comedy duo Abbott and Costello not “meet” in a movie?
A. Frankenstein
B. The Creature From the Black Lagoon
C. The Mummy
D. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

4. Match the Greek hero with the mythological creature they killed:
Hercules ----------------Minotaur
Theseus------------------Harpies
Perseus------------------Hydra
Jason--------------------Medusa

5. Which classic vampire limitation is Dracula seemingly immune to in the novel?
A. Garlic
B. Daylight
C. No reflection
D. Running water

6. Which of the following was not a sequel to Universal’s 1931 “Frankenstein” film?
A. Ghost of Frankenstein
B. Revenge of Frankenstein
B. Son of Frankenstein
C. House of Frankenstein

7. Who wrote “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?”
A. H.G. Wells
B. Edgar Allan Poe
C. Robert Louis Stevenson
D. Arthur Conan Doyle

8. Which film adaptation of an Edgar Allan Poe work did not star Vincent Price?
A. Murders in the Rue Morgue
B. The Raven
C. The Masque of the Red Death
D. The Pit and the Pendulum

9. In Bram Stoker’s novel, what does Dracula sleep in?
A. An iron maiden
B. A coffin
C. An ossuary (box of bones)
D. A box filled with Transylvanian dirt

10. On what holiday was the 1931 film “Dracula” released?
A. Christmas
B. Valentine’s Day
C. Halloween
D. Mother’s Day




















Answers:
1. A (a kid in a wheelchair!)
2. C.
3. B.
4. Hercules – Hydra, Theseus – Minotaur, Perseus – Medusa, Jason – Harpies
5. B.
6. B.
7. C.
8. A. (It was Bela Lugosi - seen above)
9. D.
10. B.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Halloween: The New Christmas


So it looks like Halloween is the new Christmas. Not in that it’s a time of peace, love, and brotherhood, or an opportunity for families to get together, or anything like that.

Halloween is the new Christmas in that it makes a good excuse to decorate the inside and outside of your home in a grand spectacle of consumption. It’s also the new Christmas in that a former religious holiday (All Hallows Eve – the night before All Saints Day) becomes a holiday in which we celebrate eating sugar-filled goodies and buying stuff.
It gives tv networks a chance to show themed movies, for stores to decorate, and offices to have parties.

Now, I like Halloween. I like costumes, candy, and themed parties. I will admit that I even like “Halloween villages.” You know, the little houses and people and such that you put on your end table? They’re like “Christmas villages,” but Halloween-themed. I think they are funny. I don’t want to own one, necessarily – but I like the idea of them.

I call this to your attention because I predict a trend of increasing Halloween-into-Christmas transformation.

Be on the lookout for:
* Halloween carols – not the religious kind, but more along the lines of the “Frosty the Snowman” and “Baby It’s Cold Outside” variety (I may have to write some…)

* Some form of Santa Claus-like character (himself a formerly religious figure) with his own mythology to emerge or gain prominence as the symbol of the season– some possibilities include:
- The devil, specifically puppet devil.
- Chernabog - the big demon from Fantasia (in one of the more frightening things Disney ever put out)
- Jack Skelington from “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (what a great movie!)
- Count Dracula
- Count Chocula
- Count von Count (from Sesame Street)



The new Santa Claus?







Beware! Bewaaaaaaaare!! Ooooooooooooooooo!!