Better Living Through Zoology: Of Birds and Babies and Dreams

A few weeks back, a robin built a nest on our front door wreath. This was both pretty cool and nerve-wracking. There’s a window in the top of the front door, which meant we could see her, but also that she could see us. She was understandably nervous, and flew away whenever we had to cross the living room. Plus, the front door is a pretty high traffic area. At the very least, you had the mailman coming by, and us coming by to pick up the mail. All of this made me worry a bit about Mrs. Bird.

My wife lovingly pointed out that it wasn’t my bird, it was God’s bird. Sort of a reverse Matthew 6:26. “Why then do you worry about the birds? Doesn’t God take care of you?”

Anyway, two weeks or so ago, the eggs hatched, but only one baby made it. He’s the pink and gray blob at the top right.

But Junior has been growing steadily, and some day soon will leave the nest.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Adair has been nesting as well, getting ready to hatch our baby girl come the end of June. Sheridan Danielle has been well supplied by family, friends, church folks, and co-workers, so there has been much nesting.

All this is introduction to say – last week I had some weird dreams.

I dreamed I was holding Sheridan. She was about three months old. Chubby. Kind of fussy. And she had red hair.

This is a possibility. Everybody in my family was born blond and turned brown except me. But I have a red beard. My dad was a carrot top. Jeni’s family is pretty evenly brown-headed, but you never know.

My friend Matt has a theory that there are only three kinds of red-headed people:
1) Nerds, especially the band variety
2) Bullies
3) The hot red-headed girl (the rarest of all)

I hope Sheridan is the third kind, but I’ll be happy as long as she isn’t a bully.

I also dreamed on a different night that I was helping Jeni clean out the closet in the baby’s room, and I found some baby birds nesting in there. Including a baby toucan.

Here’s a picture of a baby toucan:

I’m pretty proud of my subconscious mind. To my knowledge, I had never seen a baby toucan, but I knew that’s what I had seen, and after looking it up said, “Hey, I was pretty close!”

In dream world, by the way, it is perfectly reasonable that a toucan might find its way into our second bedroom and build a nest in the closet.

As always in these situations, I turn ironically to the internet to help me interpret my dreams, and then add my own two cents.

The internet:
Babies: “To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted.”

Bird (nest): “To see a bird nest in your dream, symbolizes independence, refuge and security. You need something to fall back on. Alternatively, it may signify a prosperous endeavor, new opportunities, and fortune.”

Redhead: “To dream that you are a redhead, suggests that you need more spontaneity and vitality in your life. Make some dramatic changes.”

Shockingly, the internet A-Z dream dictionary did not have an entry for “toucan” or “baby toucan.” So here’s mine.

Toucan: “To see a toucan in your dream signifies that you are self-conscious about the size of your nose. It may also mean that you are seeking guidance, something or someone to follow. It may mean that you will start spelling “fruit” like this - “froot” – so that there is a visual connection as well as assonance with “loops.”

Baby Toucan: “To see a baby toucan symbolizes that you long for something new and exotic in your life – like a tropical vacation.”

Better Living Through Zoology: What Not to Do at the Zoo

Dear zoo-goers,

Animals really only need three things, in this order:

1. To sense that they are safe and healthy
2. To get enough to eat and drink
3. To socialize to whatever extent is usual for their species (including mating and raising young)

And that's pretty much it. The people who build and run zoos (especially modern ones) know this. You'll notice that "space to roam" or "freedom" didn't make the list. This may be a controversial opinion, but the only reason animals need space to roam is so that they can fulfill all of those other needs in a wild setting.

As a visitor to the zoo, your responsibility is to help the zookeepers fulfill the first part of need #1. The zoo will take care of the health part, and the feeding, and the socializing, and most of the safety. The only thing in the animals' environment that the zoo can't control is you. So help them and yourself by not jumping into the enclosure with the animals. They won't feel safe. Especially if you do it while need #2 is being addressed.

So, by all means, go to the zoo! You get to learn about and experience the fascinating wonders of our world, imbue a love of animals in yourself and your children, and get to help preserve endangered species in the process.

But please, help the animals feel safe, and teach your children to do the same!

Better Living Through Zoology: Bernice Goes To School

Bernice in her "work clothes"

Starting one week ago, Jeni has been taking Bernice to school as her counseling partner. Bernice wears the little vest, complete with ID badge, pictured above.

If you aren't familiar with "animal-assisted therapy" it's pretty awesome. It is a fact that people of all ages calm down and become more open when a friendly animal is around; in this case a big, friendly dog.

Jeni has already seen non-verbal kids get more verbal with Bernice, kids who need help with social skills get to practice on a dog, and kids with behavior problems work harder so that they can spend time with Bernice as a reward, and an unexpected benefit - Bernice reduces stress for teachers, too! Maybe most important, Jeni gets to work with one of her best friends.

For the kids who are afraid of dogs (very few) Jeni takes her whole arm and puts it in Bernice's mouth. A little slobber is a small price to pay for calming a child.

Bernice comes home pretty tired, but she appears to be having a great time. She especially liked Valentine's Day parties. Small children + cupcakes = lots of cupcake crumbs on the floor. She came home that day with icing on her face.

I am proud of my wife and my dog - co-counselors!

Better Living Through Zoology: Congratulations, Bernice

The therapist is in.

Today Jeni and Bernice went to a Delta Society therapy dog evaluation, and I am happy to report that both owner and pet passed with flying colors!

The test requires the potential therapy dog, and owner, to go through simulations of a several situations to make sure that they react well to people and other animals, and can safely travel into and through places like hospitals, nursing homes, and schools.

Bernice particularly enjoyed the "Clumsy Petting" test.

I am proud of my wife, and my big, goofy, friendly dog!

Better Living Through Zoology: The Two-Toed Sloth

In the South American exhibit at Cameron Park Zoo lives a two-toed sloth named Cheetah.

The two-toed sloth is awesome animal. It has two toes on its front legs, and it is not in any particular hurry. Hence the name. It spends nearly its entire existence in trees, hanging upside-down. They mate, give birth, and nurse hanging upside down.

It isn’t because the sloth is particularly relaxed that it is slothful – it is because it has a very……..slow……..metabolism. As a result, it can’t shiver (the only mammal that can’t), and so is highly vulnerable in cold temperatures. It also takes it several weeks to digest the things that it eats.

I said it spends most of its time in trees – one of the the things it comes down out of the trees to do is defecate. Fortunately, thanks to the very…….slow……metabolism, it only has to do this once every week or so.

There’s a moral there somewhere – I’m just not sure what it is.

Better Living Through Zoology: The Armadillo

Jeni and I went on a brief camping excursion this weekend with the dogs to Colorado Bend State Park. We had a good hike, the dogs swam in the river, and we all encountered various wildlife. Jeni, for example, was almost hit in the leg by a bass while wading in the river. We saw lots of deer, a roadrunner, a raccoon, a hawk - and about twenty armadillos.

We saw (and, of course, heard) several as we were pitching the tent, but on our first hike we realized the place was just swarming with the things. Dozens of armored creatures, out on patrol, like tiny tanks. Like some sort of armed force. It was....a phalanx of armadillos! No, wait. A legion! No, no. A platoon of armadillos! Nah - something else - armor, armed, armadillo - Gah! It's on the tip of my tongue!

Anyway, for Bernice and Rose this was a new experience. Armadillos can't see well at all, and aren't the brightest bulbs in the batch, so the dogs were usually in close smelling distance before the critters realized anything unusual was going on and shuffled off into the brush. It made for interesting hiking. After seeing so many up close and getting a good look at the armor, I wondered aloud, "I wonder how they mate?" To which my wife responded with her best Barry White impression, speak-singing the following: "When the night comes/ The armor comes off/ exposing the soft under-belly/ Bwwow-chicka-bwow-wah!"

I love that woman.

And now, I am proud to present - Random Facts About Armadillos!
- There are 20 different species of armadillo, including the Giant Armadillo, and - no lie - the Pink Fairy Armadillo
- The only species native to the U.S. the nine-banded one, pictured below
- The nine-banded kind doesn't roll into a ball to protect itself - too much armor
- It also has too much armor to swim, and will sink, so for crossing streams the armadillo has two options:
1) Hold its breath (up to six minutes!) and walk across the bottom
2) Inflate its stomach with air and paddle itself across - it's the only mammal that can do that
- A few years ago, a baby armadillo came out of the brush where I was camping, wandered up to me, and sniffed my foot. Then he looked up at me quizzically. If armadillos could shrug, he would have, and then he hopped away. This isn't a fact about armadillos, but I thought it was cool.
- But the craziest thing about armadillos, in my opinion, is that baby armadillos are always - always - born in sets of identical quadruplets. Crazy!




Number one in a four piece set.

Better Living Through Zoology: The Hippopotamus

I was born in Lufkin, Texas, and lived there till I was 9 years old. There were a lot of favorite places I had as a child, but topping the list was probably the Ellen Trout Zoo. The zoo was founded in 1967 by Walter Trout, because he had a weird friend. For Christmas one year, Walter’s friend sent him a 500 lb. baby hippopotamus. Your options are limited when receiving such a gift, so Trout started a zoo, and its first resident was Hippy the hippo.

Hippy was the first animal you saw going into the zoo, and hippos have been my favorite animal ever since. Seeing the behemoth right after you went through the turnstile at the zoo made quite an impression. I liked his amphibious lifestyle, and easy-going manner. I did not like his smell, but he wore it well.

Since then, I have learned to appreciate other unique aspects of the hippo. Their name means “river horse.” They are genetic relatives of dolphins and whales, and can breed, give birth, and nurse babies underwater. They generally hold their breath underwater for three to five minutes (three minutes is beyond most humans) but can hold their breath for up to 30 minutes, and can walk on the bottom of rivers (they can’t float).

They can live up to 50 years (usually 30-40) and can weigh 3-5 tons. They are social creatures that herd together in groups of 10-150 animals.

They communicate through “wheeze-honks” and some scientists think that they may communicate underwater through vocalizations similar to whales.

Oh, I could go on! My appreciation for the hippo is part nostalgia, and part modern-day wonder that such a thing exists in the same world. Like every other African animal, it has never been domesticated. It just wants to lie in the cool water during the day, and eat lots and lots of grass during the night. If you mess with it, it will jab you with its giant tusks. Otherwise, it makes a good, if smelly, neighbor. Ah, the simple life!

So, here’s to the hippo! Third largest land mammal, but first in my heart.















Behold the majesty.

Also, here's somewhat lowbrow hippo-related humor.

Better Living Through Zoology: "Cats and Dogs Living Together - Mass Hysteria!"

Once upon a time my friends Luke and Nicky bought a house. It turned out their house was a popular hangout spot for cats, especially one particular pregnant cat. Well, she gave birth to five kittens in the crawl space under their house, and then promptly disappeared. A day later the Great Waco Flood of '07 (pronounced "aught seven") started. So my friend Luke crawled under his house in six inches of rainwater to rescue five soaking wet newborn kittens and give them a new home in his guest bathroom. They were not appreciative.

A few weeks later Luke and Nicky went out of town, and a friend house-sat for them. When they returned, there were six kittens in their bathroom, where there once had been five. They called their friend. Seems a sixth kitten, unrelated to the previous brood, had appeared on the porch looking very alone and cute, as kittens tend to do. The friend figured, "Well, they've already got five, another shouldn't make much difference."

But it did.

They started looking for homes for their kittens. After much deliberation, Jeni and I took home cat #6, now called Chewie. (Luke and Nicky found it too hard to give cats away after this, and are now the proud owners of five cats.)

So we brought a 9lb. cat into a house with an 85lb. dog and a 40lb. dog. How did it go? See the picture above? The one where the dog is curious, nervous, and excited all at the same time, and the cat is all stressed out and poofy? That's how it went for the first two weeks.

After that things started to calm down a bit. The cat would perch on the chair or the couch and swat at the dogs' tails as they went by. The cat would hide behind corners and jump at the dogs, and the dogs would run away. Eventually the big white one began to play with the cat, licking her in the face, and occasionally putting her entire head into her mouth. Wacky fun!

The red one never really took to the cat, and appears to have taken on the strategy of ignoring her and hoping she goes away. Now we live in a house where we get to see sights like this on a regular basis:




Ain't interspecies love grand?

Belated Purpose Statement: Better Living Through Zoology

In my house live two creatures who, left to their own devices, are driven by instinct to form a pack with similar animals and hunt down and kill moose. They might go after other game, but really, they want moose. Look into their eyes! You can see it...."Moooooose."

But through the magic of domestication, they accept Jeni and I as one of them. We are part of the pack, and on our better days, leaders of the pack (vroom, vroom).

Everyday they greet us at the door with wagging tails. They follow us around from room to room, just wanting to be near. They accept us as we are, and love us even when we're crabby or impatient or smell bad or don't pay enough attention to them.

These are the animals I see everyday, and miss when they aren't around. They are a huge part of my life - a source of joy, comfort in hard times, and devoted despite my imperfection. The fact that they are relatives of wolves and African wild dogs just adds to the wonder of it all. It is a great gift and a grave responsibility to live in a world with dogs, whales, kangaroos, and tigers. The 85 lb. lab named Bernice, who looks like a small polar bear, and the dumpy red mutt named Rose, who looks like a potato grew red hair and came to life - the Eeyore to Bernice's Tigger - remind me of this every day.

And then there's the cat... she doesn't show up on film for some reason. The Druids believed cats were the reincarnated souls of wicked people. Can't imagine where they got that idea...

Better Living Through Zoology: The Capybara and Intellectual Pride

As I mentioned yesterday, I tend to hang on to information. My wife and my sister like to remind me that most of the information that manages to get logged away is of a "useless," or at least trivial nature. The place where this rears its ugly head most often is the zoo.

I am a zoo nerd. I have always loved animals, and if I wasn't in ministry I'd probably be a zoo keeper. So, I have a difficult time when the people around me at the zoo have no idea what they are looking at. At the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco, this happens every time we get to the South American enclosure. The picture above doesn't do this animal justice. It is about the size of a calf - a very fat calf. About three and half feet high, and two and half feet wide, it is the world's largest rodent. You can't miss it, and when small children see it, they instinctively ask mom/dad/grandma, "What is that?" I appreciate the people who are honest and say, "I don't know!" It infuriates me for some reason when people begin to guess - usually that it is some kind of wild pig. And from deep within me rises the incredible urge to turn to complete strangers and say, "Actually, it's a capybara - the world's largest rodent. It is an excellent swimmer, and in Venezuela people sometimes hunt them on horseback."

I would like to tell you that this urge stems from my deep-seated desire to be helpful and from my belief that education lifts the soul of the learner. But really, it comes from arrogance and the visceral thrill of "I know something you don't know, la la la la la!"

You see, the capybara at the Waco zoo likes to hang out in the shady spot in the right corner of the enclosure. The sign explaining "what manner of creature he be" is over on the left hand side. So, after a brief moment of perplexity, most people walk over there, look at the sign, and exclaim, "Says here it's a Capi -bear - uh!" (It's actually "bar-uh", but whatever.) If I can keep my mouth shut a little while longer, mom/dad/grandma has the pleasure of discovering the answer for themselves - or making their child read the sign and passing the pleasure of discovery on to them. And that makes for a much better day at the zoo for everyone.

But man, the time we were at the Ft. Worth Zoo, and the wallabies and the kangaroos were in the same enclosure and three people in a row pointed out the wallaby to their kids and said, "Look at the baby kangaroo!" - That just about drove me insane.

Better Living Through Zoology: What To Do If You Meet A Bear and/or Mountain Lion

Just got back from a family reunion in Colorado - good times. In particular, we had a good time hiking in Red Rock Canyon and the trail to Catamount Falls, both outside Colorado Springs. We also saw some fun signs telling you what to do if you encounter a bear, and what to do if you encounter a mountain lion. I have some experience in this area, as I own two bear-like dogs and a cat, which is like a mountain lion, but smaller. So, I will comment on the tips given by the signs, and give some helpful hints from my own experiences.

Bear
From the sign:
* "Stay calm" - Good luck with that.
* "Avoid direct eye contact" - Try looking at the teeth or claws instead.
* "Speak to the bear in a low, firm voice" - Try to sound like Barry White. Bears love Barry White.
* "If the bear charges you, stand your ground." - You are a rock. You are Gibraltar.

Tips from experience with bear-like dogs:
* Say "who's a good bear?" When the bear begins to wag its tail, pat it on the head.
* Throw a stick for the bear to retrieve.
* Give the bear a bone-shaped biscuit.
* Do not try to ride the bear like a horse - bears do not like this.
* Scratch the bear on the tummy, or on the butt just above the tail.

Mountain Lion
From the sign:
Most of the tips here are similar to that of bears, but this one is good.
* "Make yourself large" - They recommend raising your arms above your head to accomplish this. I recommend donuts, ice cream, and Twinkies. It seems counter-intuitive, but the cougar prefers its meat lean.

From experience with other felines:
* Do not attempt to put the mountain lion in the shower. It may look like it wants to get into the shower, but it does not.
* Bring a larger mountain lion with you.
* Try to make a sound like a hair-dryer, vacuum cleaner, or garage door opener. They hate that.
* Scratch the mountain lion on the butt, just above the tail. Do NOT scratch the mountain lion on the tummy.
* Bring a laser pointer. The mountain lion will chase that thing for hours, all over the mountain. I cannot stress this one enough.

Well, there you have it! Happy hiking!